Monthly Archives: September 2011

The World has surely gone mad!!

Something is wrong.

Not something particularly terrible but more subtly wrong.

If you haven’t felt it I suggest you take a closer look at the league table.

The first thing you see is the Phatties at the top. At the top!! WTF! How on earthe did we all allow that to happen? Not only is Mr Rudd top he is also unbeaten. This tells me that he is either on the luckiest streak of his life or that his retirement from Golf has allowed him the time on a Saturday morning to pay some attention to his line ups. Either way Untied manager Brewder is hoping someone comes along to knock him off as his smirking face is putting him off his Friday night kebab.

The next two places below them also make one raise an eyebrow. Real occupy 2nd place despite their manager standing accused of offering sexual favours to potential new signings in the transfer window (see last blog post) and in third place we find BEGD FC!!! This is a team who perenially challenge BareAssAlona for bottom spot. Most of us would not begrudge their Manager Brad his time in the top eight as no one puts as much effort into their team that him but can he win it? the general consensus is no and his time in the top half will be limited so he should enjoy it while he can.

Completing the “odd squad” is Italian Job. Mangaed by a man of such principle and prejudice that he refuses to sign any player from Chelsea/Manchester City/Wales that he denies himself the opportunity to maxise his chances of gaining a high score each week. looking at his previous opponents so far this year it is not really surprising that they are where they are as they have had a very easy start to the season so far.

1 Phatasphuck F 5 0 0 279 15
2 Real Sociable Dad 4 0 1 321 12
3 BEGD FC 4 0 1 291 12
4 Coops’ Troops 4 0 1 283 12
5 New Springs 69ers 4 0 1 265 12
6 Spiros&theArgoDwarfs 4 0 1 241 12
7 Kirali Girls 3 1 1 264 10
8 Italian Job 3 0 2 293 9

It is of course no surprise to see the Dwarfs and the Girls showing strongly but the top eight has some noticeable ommisions. None of last years winners, Steaua NeedaRest (11th) or the Angry Dragons (17th) have started well and everyone’s favourite Dyslexic Untied have suffered defeats to the highest scoring team in three individual weeks despite scoring well themselves.

It is of course early in the season and normality will surely be restored soon (Even BareAssaolona are out of the relegation places!)

Gameweek 7 starts tomorrow and then a reminder that Gameweek 8 is the first of this years bonus rounds. The highest scoring team in Gameweek 8 will win £10 (or effectively their entry fee back provided they have paid).

Good Luck everyone.

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Real SociableDad Manager in desperate transfer attempt expose!

Real Manager Coll Jenkins has been accused of indecent behaviour by a mystery player who claims that he was treated to an all expenses paid day out at the races by the wobbly one earlier this year when Coll got more and more drunk and made lewd advances to him in order to persuade him to sign.

Coll has been exposed by our intrepid photographer during his attempts to lure the German midfielder to put pen to paper and sign to play for Real SociableDad this year. Coll was heard by numerous racegoers to utter numerous unmentionable acts that he was prepared to make himself available for if only the midfield maestro would agree to come and play for him this year.

Coll gets lairy

Pictured as he whispered one such utterance it was clear to those watching that the player simply wasn’t interested in moving to Real if this was the kind of lecherous behaviour he could expect from his new manager.

As the day wore on, Jenkins drank more and more cider and our reporter managed to sneak himself on the coach back to the hotel where he witnessed Jenkins as he resorted to trying to entertain his prey with his repertoire of dodgy impressions.

Unimpressed the player had the driver stop at the side of the road while he apparently relieved himself in the bushes. After 25 minutes of waiting for him to return to the coach it Jenkins became suspicious and after searching the bushes had to concede defeat when he realised his target had done a runner. As Coll returned to the coach a dejected and broken man our reporter managed to catch up with the errant German as he took refuge in the undergrowth.

“Zat vos one of ze vurst dayz of my life!, Vot vos my manager sinking? Never could I play for such a man. He sinks I am, vot you say er…a Sitzpisser, er a NancyBoy?, a pole smoker? vich vay is ze nearest airport, I must get myself back to ze mozerland and qvickly”

Coll was unavailable for comment and claimed his hangover prevented him from remembering any details of the previous days trip.

Time to take stock and welcome the newbies.

The international break this weekend has given us all the opportunity to stop and review the start to the season we have all made.

For some it has been a surprisingly good (BEGD FC, AC CORONA, COOPS TROOPS, PHATTIES) or bad (DYSLEXIC UNTIED) with some teams finding themselves in unfamiliar parts of the league table. For others it has been business as usual (BAREASSALONA)

Of course it is very early days and those experienced managers amongst us will know that only the weak and insecure manager would panic at such an early stage of the season and deploy their wildcard.

To date only one such manager has shown such frailty. Spiros, despite a record of played 2 won 2 and a points total of 114 Spiros decided his ten were still coming up short in some areas and made wholesale changes just hours after the results were in in Sunday.

Gally City have made their usual lightning start and top the table but we all know that will not last and we all look forward to watching them slowly slide back down to mid table before Christmas.

With the transfer window closing on Wednesday maybe we will see a few more wildcards played I’m order to accommodate the latest players.

The new season also brought with it am expansion to 24 teams and therefore some new players.

Mr Edwards is currently working on new club badges for all of the new sides but we can reveal the first of them as Wii Unfit managed by Stuart Gilbert.

20110902-121217.jpg

Stuart hails from Blackpool and is fiercely proud of his hometown as well as being a huge tech geek to boot.

Strangely his loyalty to his home town does not extend to his home town club as he us one if those glory hunting football fans and pins his colours firmly to the Manchester Untied mast. Or Chelsea probably if they win this year.

Unfit have made a solid start to the season narrowly missing out on a second victory this weekend against the dwarfs when his last minute captain change was not taken into account by the website. A change which would have given him victory and a perfect start.

Such schoolboy errors are to be expected at this stage if his managerial career but his potential is obvious.

Stuart is a keen “Twit” and can be followed by searching for @stuartgilbert

Other new teams will be introduced in later blogs as and when team badges are finalised by BEGD Design.

(Any typos in this post are due to it being typed in my phone on the train to London)