BareAssAlona manager in “My team is too good to come last” Shocker

It hasn’t been the easiest of starts to the season for many of the league’s teams. There are some teams which are currently punching above their weight (Coops Troops, Real SociableDad, Italian Job, Phatties) and some that have been surprisingly underwhelming so far (the ArgoDwarves, Dyslexic Untied and the Dragons) Then there are those that have simply done something completely unexpected and done so well in relation to  what was  expected of them.

I am of course talking about BareAssAlona.

BareAssAlona are the perennial underachievers of the competition. No one ever expects them to win anything and they never let anyone down by doing so. They are expected to lose most weeks, they turn up for each game and duly do their level best to not to win. Sometimes they have a bad week (well every team can have one) and they come up against a team that is having a bit of a nightmare and they embarrassingly walk away with all three points.

But so far this season BareAssAlona are being kept off the bottom of the league by a combination of unexpectedly good form and the introduction of two teams that look markedly worse than them. BareAssAlona have already won two of their seven games so far giving them a points total they only expect to have around Christmas and with the Dooms Day Divas and Torpedo Belgrano doing considerably worse things are looking like BareAssAlona have a real fight on their hands in order to come bottom of the table this year.

So it was hardly surprising to hear that BareAssAlona manager Kieron McLoughlin went into an apoplectic rage at his team when asked if he was ready for the challenge of their biggest derby game of the season against Steaua NeedaRest this weekend.

“Are you kidding me?”  Kieron started, “Am I confident? Am I bollocks” I do my best to completely de motivate my lads each and every week and what do they do? They keep putting up a proper fight and winning games. Frankly I’m embarrassed to be associated with this club at the moment.”

When asked what the fans think of their start to the season McLoughlin claimed:

“Our fans don’t  deserve this. They don’t support us because they want do see silverware or glory days, we’ll leave that to the big four-and-a-half (Dragons, Steaua, Untied, Girls and the Dwarves), thanks. BareAssAlona have a proud history of being piss poor under my management, I and I don’t intend to stand idly by and watch two complete novices come along and steal my thunder.”

Pressed on what he thought he could do about it he was unequivocal. ”

“I intend to start taking 8 – 12 point hits each week to minimise my chances of winning. Expect that to start this weekend against Steaua. I can clearly say that if we win this weekend it will be nothing to do with me at all. Torpedo and the Divas had better watch out – I’m the Daddy of coming bottom!”

The race for last place looks likely to be just as hotly contested as first this year

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Posted on October 18, 2011, in General News, Scandal. Bookmark the permalink. 12 Comments.

  1. Absolute slander. I am aiming for a mid table finish. Some bad luck in the fixture list as resulted in a not so great start but one look at my points total will show that I am one of the better managers. I demand an official apology for the slander in this article and the recognition my bareass deserves.

  2. My sources told me otherwise. I have the intercepted text to Ben to prove it and I quote:

    “Not at all mate, I haven’t had the greatest start. I expect you to win easily”

    you went on to say:

    “I may make a few changes and take a hit this week so that will help you”

    What say you to that?

  3. Merely putting the pressure on Ben to succeed. Mind games between two managers. Obviously it has now backfired and I now feel the pressure to win.

  4. Once again the author bigs up his own team despite winning sweet FA whilst defaming other managers! His ego would be amusing if it wasn’t so very sad & misplaced

  5. Thats twice you’ve had a pop at my team, you dickhead…

    Its been noted Brewder….

    • It’s not a pop. It’s a challenge. Prove me wrong by the end of the season.

      • obiously I’m not the only one to notice your incessant cheer leading for Untied & bashing of other teams. You can’t take your ball home just because you are shit

    • Johnny Tomorrow

      No need for anyone to take the ball home Untied will be in the mix at the end of this season as they have in each season so far. Italian Job on the other hand…….

  6. Well lucky for you you’ll probably play your second team soon for a guaranteed 3 points to set you on your way! And I’m under no illusions as to my league position. I fully expect to do a Hull/Blackpool very soon when people realise Mata & Silva should be in their sides

  7. Warning to Kieron, to guarantee that BareAss lose and move back to their rightful place at the bottom of the league ladder you need to go for at least a minus 12 to 16 hit each week, Tirpefo Belgrano are determined to drag the wooden spoon from your gob, unfortunately despite taking a eight point hit last week Gibbo’s boys still managed to sneak a win over the Dwarfs. I can see Andy going for a 20 point hit this week to make sure he loses this weekend. But the biggest threat to the much cherished 24th spot will come from the Dooms Day Divas, even if Miss Massey tries her best to win her inept approach and total lack of football knowledge (she supports Huddersfield for Gods sake) will probably see the wooden spoon cross the border to Area 3, do Kieron can you stoop lower than ever before and continue your less than impressive record!!

  8. Sorry Kev..You lost me at “Warning”..

    Again..

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