Monthly Archives: November 2011
Bad News is never welcome in the newsroom here at BeerandBoobs Publications Inc.
This week started well after we reported that Spiros Gall had been received as a returning hero by his home tribe of Pygmy’s in Borneo and with the next round of games due this weekend everything was gearing up for a good weekend.
That was until yesterday, when news reached us that one of the leagues managers was suffering from a serious illness which threatens his attendance at each and every one of his teams matches.
Lee Cooper, manager of the Angry Dragons was told by doctors that he was suffering from a Weak Sphincter and that this was the reason for his recent embarrassing episodes in the dugout while he was experiencing the stressful highs and lows of managing the Dragons.
The brave Cooper decided that rather than hide his embarrassing inability to control this most natural bodily function, he would “come out”, as it were, and hopes to now become a champion for all those suffering from incontinence related illnesses.
He has the full support of his club and today they announced a new and exciting “special” sponsorship deal to help raise awareness and money for their newly adopted club charity, The Bladder and Bowel Foundation.
Fans have been queuing at the club shop in order to purchase the new special edition club kit which will be worn this week. All proceeds from the sale of the shirt will go to the Foundation.
Only 2500 of the shirts are available and are priced at £39.99
We applaud Cooper’s brave decision to bring much needed attention to this difficult and often derided illness.
Lee even offered to pose for us to model his new range of adult incontinence aids although we suspect he has also used the time off to have a Rooney style hair implant as well.
With the lack of Premiership footy there is also, inevitably, a lack of fantasy related gossip to report and the last two weeks have been very slow newsweeks.
We were bouyed, however, when yesterday we learned news of our favourite midget manager Spiros Gall who returned to the UK after a triumphant tour of the country of his ancestors. Many of you will of course know of Spiros’ claims to have Greek lineage but nothing could be further from the truth. In fact his Greek forefathers are something Gall invented, a figment of his imagination, in order to create a more exotic persona for himself, primarily to attract girls in his younger days.
This little ruse did of course pay dividends when Angela, his trophy wife, seduced by the thought of free kebabs and home made baklava, fell for the charms of Spiros some years ago. For decades Spiros has cavorted around Rhodes paying the locals to pose as family members to impress upon his unsuspecting wife the idea that his family were in fact, shipping magnates form the Hellenic Republic. Now, even though happily married and Angela completely taken in by his carefully crafted web of deceit, Spiros decided the guilt of lying to his beloved was too much to bear and at last it was time to come clean and tell her the truth about his real family tree.
One can only imagine Angela’s face when confronted with the news that her daughters grandfather was a simple coconut farmer called Picker #33 Awang Koyoh bin Muhammad Shahin from the long lost Djellibaybi Pygmy tribe in Borneo. Well it turns out Angela quite likes a bit of coconut and so was well up for a trip to visit her new found family.
After Days of wearisome trudging through dense mosquito infected jungle the pair finally arrived in the tribal village of the Djellibaybi tribe where Spiros was shocked to learn that he is now a local hero to his tribe who are fiercely proud of their long lost son and who they have almost deifiedas the only pygmy from the tribe ever to have done anything other than pick coconuts and herd goats with his life.
Angela must have felt like Gulliver in Lilliput as Spiros was hoisted above the heads of the villagers (about waist height for Angela) and carried to the Chief’s hut whereupon he was festooned with gifts and garlands of flowers.
Kev and Angela have since been living the life of king and queen as this rare photo of Spiros (wearing native dress) shows as he relaxes in the chief’s private swimming pool.
All too soon however their time was brought to an end as management duties meant that the couple had to return home. Kev, with his wife fully aware of the reasons behind his shortness of stature, was said to be feeling on top of the world and ready for the rest of the season.
As and when we have further news from the Jungle we will of course spice it up and bring it to you.
This weekend see’s the resumption of BeerandBoobs Fantasy League after the two week break for pointless International Friendlies.
Good Luck to All.